Silly Rumor

To: flag@whitehouse.gov
From: gnarlymeerkat@yahoo.com

Subject: Silly Rumor

Dear Handsome Comrad,

There's this cRaZy rumor going around that the Obama administration set up an e-mail address and asked people to forward private e-mails to the White House. This seems fishy to me because that sure seems illegal. The President obviously wouldn't ask people to send him the e-mail addresses of those whom oppose him. Someone with such sweet pecks would never do something like that.

xoxo,
Rocking-out in Riverside

Here's the thing about my ball sack

To: flag@whitehouse.gov
From: gnarlymeerkat@yahoo.com

Subject: Here's the thing about my ball sack

Dear Health Master,

So here's the thing...When I urinate, it doesn't shoot out of my wiener like it's suppose to, it just pools in my ball sack. My dad (whom I have mentioned (the a**hole)) said that if the healthcare bill passed, I would be forced to have this problem corrected. Is this true? Because the thing is...I enjoy it. It's part of whom I am. Please send help.

xoxo,
Waterlogged in Washington

Obama tits included in coverage?

To: flag@whitehouse.gov
From: gnarlymeerkat@yahoo.com

Subject: Obama tits included in coverage?

Dear Truth Brigade,

I was having a casual conversation with my friend's aunt (whom I suspect to be a secret Republic black-ops operative) and the damned scarlet women told me some things that I know are damned lies. She said that the healthcare bill won't include coverage for getting peck implants so thats I can have titties like Obama has. I am very covetous of Obama's neat pecks, so this rumor makes me very distraught. Please send help.

xoxo,
Peckless in Peoria

I Punched an Old Lady

To: flag@whitehouse.gov
From: gnarlymeerkat@yahoo.com

Subject: I Punched an Old Lady

Dear Unsung Hero,

I was at a town hall meeting and I saw a top secret Republican operative spy say that Obamacare would be bad for our country. The stupid b*tch was saying how in England and Canada they have much higher death rates from cancer and such and how the national debt is already really a lot. You don't have to worry about this one though, because I already punched her in the back of the head. All these crybaby secret operatives were all like "I can't believe you punched a 70 year old lady" but I was just all, "why don't you go have a tea party, lolz!" I think tea party has some sort of dirty second meaning, which makes it funny. Please send help.

xoxo,
Punching old b*tches in Pittsburgh.

Bawney Fwank Imposter?!

To: flag@whitehouse.gov
From: gnarlymeerkat@yahoo.com

Subject: Bawney Fwank Imposter?!

Dear Friend of Obama,

There is now video circulating of a Bawny Fwank imposter saying he'd like to get to a single payer system.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f3BS4C9el98&feature=PlayList&p=3282F12D13FA69E4&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=37

He has the same adorable speech impediment as Bawny Fwank, but I doubt this imposter has even run a brothel out of his home like the real Bawney Fwank. Please send help.

xoxo,
Confused in Connecticut

My Dad the A**hole

To: flag@whitehouse.gov
From: gnarlymeerkat@yahoo.com

Subject: My Dad the A**hole

Dear Government Man,

You're NOT going to BELIEVE this!! Yesterday my dad (the a**hole) said he didn't want Obama's healthcare plan to pass. He said England and Canada's healthcare is worse than ours. This seems really fishy to me. Will you please come to our house and inject him with sh*t or something? Please send help.

xoxo,
Soon-to-be-orphaned in Seattle

Another Obama Impersonator

To: flag@whitehouse.gov
From: gnarlymeerkat@yahoo.com

Subject: Another Obama Impersonator

Dear Truth People,

I have uncovered another Obama impersonator. You're welcome.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-bY92mcOdk

I don't think anyone will be fooled by him because this imposter doesn't even have sweet pecks. However, this video also includes Barney Frank impersonators and others. We need to stop this dasterdly imposter troupe. Please send help.

xoxo,
Lustful for Obama's pecks in Lexington