To: flag@whitehouse.gov
From: gnarlymeerkat@yahoo.com
Subject: Silly Rumor
Dear Handsome Comrad,
There's this cRaZy rumor going around that the Obama administration set up an e-mail address and asked people to forward private e-mails to the White House. This seems fishy to me because that sure seems illegal. The President obviously wouldn't ask people to send him the e-mail addresses of those whom oppose him. Someone with such sweet pecks would never do something like that.
xoxo,
Rocking-out in Riverside
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Here's the thing about my ball sack
To: flag@whitehouse.gov
From: gnarlymeerkat@yahoo.com
Subject: Here's the thing about my ball sack
Dear Health Master,
So here's the thing...When I urinate, it doesn't shoot out of my wiener like it's suppose to, it just pools in my ball sack. My dad (whom I have mentioned (the a**hole)) said that if the healthcare bill passed, I would be forced to have this problem corrected. Is this true? Because the thing is...I enjoy it. It's part of whom I am. Please send help.
xoxo,
Waterlogged in Washington
From: gnarlymeerkat@yahoo.com
Subject: Here's the thing about my ball sack
Dear Health Master,
So here's the thing...When I urinate, it doesn't shoot out of my wiener like it's suppose to, it just pools in my ball sack. My dad (whom I have mentioned (the a**hole)) said that if the healthcare bill passed, I would be forced to have this problem corrected. Is this true? Because the thing is...I enjoy it. It's part of whom I am. Please send help.
xoxo,
Waterlogged in Washington
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Obama tits included in coverage?
To: flag@whitehouse.gov
From: gnarlymeerkat@yahoo.com
Subject: Obama tits included in coverage?
Dear Truth Brigade,
I was having a casual conversation with my friend's aunt (whom I suspect to be a secret Republic black-ops operative) and the damned scarlet women told me some things that I know are damned lies. She said that the healthcare bill won't include coverage for getting peck implants so thats I can have titties like Obama has. I am very covetous of Obama's neat pecks, so this rumor makes me very distraught. Please send help.
xoxo,
Peckless in Peoria
From: gnarlymeerkat@yahoo.com
Subject: Obama tits included in coverage?
Dear Truth Brigade,
I was having a casual conversation with my friend's aunt (whom I suspect to be a secret Republic black-ops operative) and the damned scarlet women told me some things that I know are damned lies. She said that the healthcare bill won't include coverage for getting peck implants so thats I can have titties like Obama has. I am very covetous of Obama's neat pecks, so this rumor makes me very distraught. Please send help.
xoxo,
Peckless in Peoria
I Punched an Old Lady
To: flag@whitehouse.gov
From: gnarlymeerkat@yahoo.com
Subject: I Punched an Old Lady
Dear Unsung Hero,
I was at a town hall meeting and I saw a top secret Republican operative spy say that Obamacare would be bad for our country. The stupid b*tch was saying how in England and Canada they have much higher death rates from cancer and such and how the national debt is already really a lot. You don't have to worry about this one though, because I already punched her in the back of the head. All these crybaby secret operatives were all like "I can't believe you punched a 70 year old lady" but I was just all, "why don't you go have a tea party, lolz!" I think tea party has some sort of dirty second meaning, which makes it funny. Please send help.
xoxo,
Punching old b*tches in Pittsburgh.
From: gnarlymeerkat@yahoo.com
Subject: I Punched an Old Lady
Dear Unsung Hero,
I was at a town hall meeting and I saw a top secret Republican operative spy say that Obamacare would be bad for our country. The stupid b*tch was saying how in England and Canada they have much higher death rates from cancer and such and how the national debt is already really a lot. You don't have to worry about this one though, because I already punched her in the back of the head. All these crybaby secret operatives were all like "I can't believe you punched a 70 year old lady" but I was just all, "why don't you go have a tea party, lolz!" I think tea party has some sort of dirty second meaning, which makes it funny. Please send help.
xoxo,
Punching old b*tches in Pittsburgh.
Bawney Fwank Imposter?!
To: flag@whitehouse.gov
From: gnarlymeerkat@yahoo.com
Subject: Bawney Fwank Imposter?!
Dear Friend of Obama,
There is now video circulating of a Bawny Fwank imposter saying he'd like to get to a single payer system.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f3BS4C9el98&feature=PlayList&p=3282F12D13FA69E4&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=37
He has the same adorable speech impediment as Bawny Fwank, but I doubt this imposter has even run a brothel out of his home like the real Bawney Fwank. Please send help.
xoxo,
Confused in Connecticut
From: gnarlymeerkat@yahoo.com
Subject: Bawney Fwank Imposter?!
Dear Friend of Obama,
There is now video circulating of a Bawny Fwank imposter saying he'd like to get to a single payer system.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f3BS4C9el98&feature=PlayList&p=3282F12D13FA69E4&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=37
He has the same adorable speech impediment as Bawny Fwank, but I doubt this imposter has even run a brothel out of his home like the real Bawney Fwank. Please send help.
xoxo,
Confused in Connecticut
My Dad the A**hole
To: flag@whitehouse.gov
From: gnarlymeerkat@yahoo.com
Subject: My Dad the A**hole
Dear Government Man,
You're NOT going to BELIEVE this!! Yesterday my dad (the a**hole) said he didn't want Obama's healthcare plan to pass. He said England and Canada's healthcare is worse than ours. This seems really fishy to me. Will you please come to our house and inject him with sh*t or something? Please send help.
xoxo,
Soon-to-be-orphaned in Seattle
From: gnarlymeerkat@yahoo.com
Subject: My Dad the A**hole
Dear Government Man,
You're NOT going to BELIEVE this!! Yesterday my dad (the a**hole) said he didn't want Obama's healthcare plan to pass. He said England and Canada's healthcare is worse than ours. This seems really fishy to me. Will you please come to our house and inject him with sh*t or something? Please send help.
xoxo,
Soon-to-be-orphaned in Seattle
Another Obama Impersonator
To: flag@whitehouse.gov
From: gnarlymeerkat@yahoo.com
Subject: Another Obama Impersonator
Dear Truth People,
I have uncovered another Obama impersonator. You're welcome.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-bY92mcOdk
I don't think anyone will be fooled by him because this imposter doesn't even have sweet pecks. However, this video also includes Barney Frank impersonators and others. We need to stop this dasterdly imposter troupe. Please send help.
xoxo,
Lustful for Obama's pecks in Lexington
From: gnarlymeerkat@yahoo.com
Subject: Another Obama Impersonator
Dear Truth People,
I have uncovered another Obama impersonator. You're welcome.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-bY92mcOdk
I don't think anyone will be fooled by him because this imposter doesn't even have sweet pecks. However, this video also includes Barney Frank impersonators and others. We need to stop this dasterdly imposter troupe. Please send help.
xoxo,
Lustful for Obama's pecks in Lexington
OH SH*T!!
To: flag@whitehouse.gov
From: gnarlymeerkat@yahoo.com
Subject: OH SH*T!!
Dear Precedent Obama,
I received a fishy e-mail earlier that had some troubling rumors about the health care bill. Here it is:
"From: luv2huvrnd@gmail.com
To: gnarlymeerkat@yahoo.com
Dear Chauncey,
I went to the doctor today to get medicine. He's a nice man. Make sure to wash your penis, it's starting to smell bad.
Love, Grandma"
Tell Obama that I'm suspicious of this e-mail because my penis has a decidedly neutral smell. Please send help.
xoxo,
Outraged in Ontario
From: gnarlymeerkat@yahoo.com
Subject: OH SH*T!!
Dear Precedent Obama,
I received a fishy e-mail earlier that had some troubling rumors about the health care bill. Here it is:
"From: luv2huvrnd@gmail.com
To: gnarlymeerkat@yahoo.com
Dear Chauncey,
I went to the doctor today to get medicine. He's a nice man. Make sure to wash your penis, it's starting to smell bad.
Love, Grandma"
Tell Obama that I'm suspicious of this e-mail because my penis has a decidedly neutral smell. Please send help.
xoxo,
Outraged in Ontario
Fishing E-mail
To: flag@whitehouse.gov
From: gnarlymeerkat@yahoo.com
Subject: Fishing e-mail
To Whom it May Concern,
I recieved a fishing e-mail from Bob's Pro Shop yesterday and it seemed like the kind of thing Obama might want to have a look at. Here it is:
"To: gnarlymeerkat@yahoo.com
From: zanyjim@bobproshop.com
Dear customer,
Starting this weekend we are having our annual fishing supplies sale. You will recieve 10% off any purchases over $50, 20% off any purchases over $100, and 30% OFF PURCHASES OVER $200!! Don't miss out!!"
Please pass this along to President Obama and let me know what he thinks. Also tell him that I dig his pecks. Please send help.
xoxo,
Scared as hell in Sacremento
From: gnarlymeerkat@yahoo.com
Subject: Fishing e-mail
To Whom it May Concern,
I recieved a fishing e-mail from Bob's Pro Shop yesterday and it seemed like the kind of thing Obama might want to have a look at. Here it is:
"To: gnarlymeerkat@yahoo.com
From: zanyjim@bobproshop.com
Dear customer,
Starting this weekend we are having our annual fishing supplies sale. You will recieve 10% off any purchases over $50, 20% off any purchases over $100, and 30% OFF PURCHASES OVER $200!! Don't miss out!!"
Please pass this along to President Obama and let me know what he thinks. Also tell him that I dig his pecks. Please send help.
xoxo,
Scared as hell in Sacremento
My Neighbor the baby killer
(Warning: Do not click on the link in the e-mail unless you enjoy homosexual pornography. If you do enjoy homosexual pornography CLICK THE LINK!!!)
To: flag@whitehouse.gov
From: gnarlymeerkat@yahoo.com
Subject: My Neighbor the Baby Killer
Dear Internet Man,
I was having a private conversation with my neighbor and he was telling me about a website that has fishy rumors about healthcare. Here is the website. My neighbor's name is Walter Henson and he lives at 4354 Wiener Wart Blvd. Anderson, IN 46011. He usually bowls on Wednesday nights from 7-10pm if you'd like to search his home or anything. Please send help.
xoxo,
Concerned in Connersville
To: flag@whitehouse.gov
From: gnarlymeerkat@yahoo.com
Subject: My Neighbor the Baby Killer
Dear Internet Man,
I was having a private conversation with my neighbor and he was telling me about a website that has fishy rumors about healthcare. Here is the website. My neighbor's name is Walter Henson and he lives at 4354 Wiener Wart Blvd. Anderson, IN 46011. He usually bowls on Wednesday nights from 7-10pm if you'd like to search his home or anything. Please send help.
xoxo,
Concerned in Connersville
Please send help
To: flag@whitehouse.gov
From: gnarlymeerkat@yahoo.com
Subject: Please send help
Dear Big Brother,
There is a man going around impersonating Obama, saying that he wants a single payer system.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fpAyan1fXCE
How can this man get away with impersonating the President and saying these things? It's obviously not really Obama, because he has assured us that this "couldn't be further from the truth. Please send help.
xoxo,
your mom
From: gnarlymeerkat@yahoo.com
Subject: Please send help
Dear Big Brother,
There is a man going around impersonating Obama, saying that he wants a single payer system.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fpAyan1fXCE
How can this man get away with impersonating the President and saying these things? It's obviously not really Obama, because he has assured us that this "couldn't be further from the truth. Please send help.
xoxo,
your mom
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